How Do I Know if a Therapist is the Right Fit?

Finding a therapist can be tough, finding the right therapist for you can be even tougher! I often hear from potential clients that they have seen a therapist in the past, but it just didn’t seem like a good fit and they ultimately decided to go somewhere else.   It can be really frustrating to ask for help and open up to someone just to find out after a few sessions that they weren’t really what you’re looking for.

Getting the right therapist “fit” for you is important- not only because you want to work with someone who is an expert in the issues that you’re dealing with, but also because the relationship you have with your therapist is the most important factor in determining if therapy is going to be effective.   Most therapists will offer an introductory consultation call, which is the best way to figure out whether or not someone is a good fit for your needs.  So let’s think about some questions you can consider when looking for a new therapist.

1.      Can this person help me?

Most therapists are skilled at treating “general” issues- like anxiety, depression, or stress related to life changes.  But if you need or want someone with specialized expertise, you need to make sure your potential new therapist has that.  Ask them what kind of experience and training they have working with people like you or with the issues you’re dealing with.  For example “I really want a therapist who can help me with bipolar disorder. Can you tell me about what training and experience you have with treating this condition?” or “I just left an abusive relationship.  What kind of experience do you have working with people who have been in this situation?” Your potential new therapist should be able to give you a convincing answer.

2.      Do their therapy methods match my preferred way of processing?

Some people like a really direct kind of therapy- worksheets, homework, high accountability, etc.  Other people like to have freedom to explore and prefer a therapist to be in the passenger seat instead of the driver’s seat.  For me, I like to be in the passenger seat with my clients and while I offer suggestions or ideas, I don’t tell my clients what to do.  But I know that doesn’t work for everyone.  It’s important to ask your potential new therapist about their expectations and what therapy looks like with them.

3.      Do they practice from a philosophy/spiritual perspective that fits with me?

If you are looking for someone who shares a specific treatment philosophy or spiritual tradition, you can ask! This can include alignment on spirituality, political leanings, shared experiences, or identity/allyship. And if they don’t align with your worldview or perspective, are they comfortable working with people who are different?  If it’s an important consideration for you to feel safe and aligned with your therapist, make sure you ask about it. 

An example of this might be: “I identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. Are you comfortable working with people like me?” Or “I’m a veteran, and it’s important to me to work with someone who understands military life. Do you have personal or professional experience with working with servicemembers?” Again, your potential new therapist should be able to give you a convincing answer.

4.      Are meetings in-person or virtual or both? What works best for me?

Virtual therapy is great! So is in-person therapy! But not all therapists offer all options and some options work better for some than others.  Consider what will be most effective and convenient for you and make sure your therapist can accommodate you.

5.      Does this therapist accept my insurance or are the rates reasonable for me to pay on my own?

Fees, fees, fees...  Like it or not, therapy is a business, and therapists expect to get paid for their work.  So before agreeing to work with a therapist, it’s important that you understand your budget and what is reasonable for you to afford.  It’s also important that you contact your insurance company to see what your benefits are.  Issues with insurance coverage are some of the biggest treatment disruptors, so I always encourage people to know their benefits first so that there’s no unexpected financial surprises along the way. 

Find the perfect therapist but can’t afford their fee? Ask about a sliding scale option.  Many therapists are willing to negotiate if they have the capacity. If they don’t have capacity, they may be able to refer you to a like-minded provider that does.

6.      Could I feel safe opening up to this person?

Creating safety in a relationship is a process, and it’s normal for people to have some hesitation and anxiety about starting with a new therapist. We are strangers, after all. However, we can start to see some indicators of the therapists’ skills before the first session.  If you feel like they were really listening closely on the consultation call and seemed to understand your issues, this is a good sign that they will continue to listen and be attentive during session.  If you feel judged or dismissed by your potential therapist, I’d encourage you to keep looking!

7.      Do I like them?

I know that this is highly subjective, and I also don’t believe that it is a therapists’ job to be “liked”.  That being said, you’re about to enter a partnership with this person and open up about some really important aspects of your life.  You deserve to be doing that with someone you see as being friendly, kind, compassionate, and maybe even with a sense of humor.  If you don’t think that you could get along with your potential new therapist, again, I’d encourage you to keep looking!

A good therapist is a valuable resource, and your time and money spent with them is an investment to support your future self.  Like any investment, we need to be wise to make sure it’s the best fit for what we need.  These questions will help you make sure that your next therapist is exactly what you’re looking for.

Wanting to ask me some of these questions? Click here to schedule your free consultation.  Let’s chat!